I am still feeling the effects drawn from missing a day or two of my tablets, today has become a little unbearable for me – I vow to never stop without supervision from my doctor again! Trying to remain so positive even when I perhaps feel otherwise consumes such huge amounts of energy and sometimes I crash from, well, trying too hard. I am sure I am not the only one. Depression is a nasty thing and it brings with it its own little demon buddies sometimes, my body dysmorphia issues and anxiety are just a couple of those demons that affect me the most when I am feeling low.
I often see my down days as a failure and that I am going one step forwards, two steps back. Why can’t I just always be happy? I need to tell myself though, that being happy all the time isn’t realistic… this is all part of being human and even the happiest of people have their bad days. No one is happy 24/7 and I cannot punish myself for being sad sometimes, although, I just wish I knew where this feeling of sadness comes from.
Everyone who suffers with some form of depression or anxiety knows how awful it is, particularly when you pair the two. Depression makes you miserable and apathetic to the things around you, including the people you love. Anxiety tends to make you worry about your lack of emotion and how that is affecting your loved ones. This forms a vicious cycle, one that is often so hard to get out of.
Depression and anxiety can both completely change your personality and your life. They can make you feel a stranger to yourself and all you can think about is your sadness, why it’s there, where it comes from and how to transition back to happiness (however you define it). You are afraid of lots of things, most of which don’t even make too much logical sense. It’s horrible isn’t it… you wake up, struggling to get out of bed, wanting to avoid the world, even your family and your close friends. You panic that everyone is judging you because they do not understand and you cannot explain why you don’t want to do anything or why you are sad. I don’t know about you but I would love to live my life without the constant fear of those downward spirals but, for now at least, they are somewhat out of my control and I have decided that I need to start finding at least one positive in every day.
This leads me to my next quote I have found “every day may not be good but there is something good in everyday”. Every day may not go as you hoped or planned and there may be some elements of frustration in your day but there is always, always something in every day to be grateful for. So, I had a sit and think about what good has happened today and there is so much to be thankful for.
I today am grateful that I woke up to a sunny Hong Kong, to my wonderful boyfriend and cute puppy, to my nespresso machine (yes, coffee was needed!) and being able to speak to my family and friends who are so far away. Although I am down at the moment, I know that I have a lot of good around me and that carries more value than these emotions that will soon pass… just like they always do.
Instead of being fixated on the negatives in our day, why don’t we just let go and focus, even for the smallest moment, on what is going right and what makes us ‘happy’. I guarantee that it will instantly make you feel better about things (I tried and tested!) and good habits can be built just as simply as bad ones can be crushed.
Finding that light at the end of the tunnel when battling with depression can be a long process, it may take time and at times, seem never-ending. These things that put you back on course towards the happiness you that you seek almost always hit you when you least expect. It could be the smallest thing but if it makes you happy, hold on to it and don’t let it go and if you can’t see the light, perhaps something is about to come into your life that will steer you back on course (…you’re not expecting it …right?). Discovering these happier triggers can heal and when you find one you’ll know instantly. Never be ashamed of finding your way to heal, that will entail different methods for different people but if that is your way of coping and healing then keep going with it!
This is what I feel I have found with Sunflower Daydreams… it’s the best therapy I have ever had!
I am not depression. You are not depression. Every day we have a chance to choose how we feel and to see some good. If we make a point to try and set ourselves a goal on being happy about one thing in our lives today, I guarantee it will make the world of difference… even just the smallest bit!
See the good in your today. I guarantee, it’s somewhere!